Been on a cruise for spring break with my 10 yo.  She is growing up so fast.  One of the reasons I wanted to take this trip is because she will not be all mine for much longer.  Her friends, her life will pull her away.  Which, that is as it should be, but I am missing her already.  I am also sad to get back to real life.  I have about 500 emails awaiting me.  Plus who knows what else at work.  Family of origin blew it up while I was away with no wifi connx.  Good call not gettin wifi.  Nothin I could do anyway.  I wish I could make everyone healthy, happy, and employed (regularly). But they gotta make their own choices.  And, no one is soliciting my advice or would follow it if I gave it so it was better that I missed this particular piece of drama.

We had a good cruise.  Alcohol free!  I am on day 77. Last time I cruised (3 years ago??), I remember waiting, anxiously, longingly, for when I could start drinking, & worrying about how much I could consume. Then having a couple & caring much, much less how my consumption looked to others.  I had a few hard cravings on this trip. Waffled on day 1 — it’s vacay, right, OF COURSE I can drink on vacay.  But I didn’t want the kid worrying about whether Mommie’s drinking was good or bad.  I didn’t want to worry myself over when I could start or how much I could have.  I knew I didn’t want to have to get up the stones to quit, a g a i n.  So, I just abstained.  I did have dessert 2, sometimes 3, times a day.  I still think I woulda consumed more calories if I had been drinking.  I slept well. No hangovers.  No grouchy refusals to do activities that interfered with drinking or recovering from drinking.  Plus, I have cruised sober!  I am pretty proud of that.

It is interesting to be sober in a venue where people wear Corona hats, shirts proudly proclaiming “booze cruise,” and you see/hear drunken foolishness frequently.  You can’t imagine looking so foolish, but I know I have.  Bleary eyed, unable to think or speak clearly, stumbly.  For those of us with the over fondness, it’s a lot of work (that usually doesn’t get done) to stop before the point of slurring, stumbling, etc.  So while I do still crave a drink, it is more rational to choose a NA bev because nothing good comes with the drink, just hard work (trying to moderate, failing, trying to not reach my prior rate of consumption, failing, searching for the stones to quit again, struggling mightily with that).  Why bother?  Seriously, the booze and the buzz aren’t THAT great.   They cost more than they are worth.  And what might have, might have, previously been overlooked as youthful folly only looks pathetic on a 47 yo woman.  Plus, I remember this vacation, and that was the whole point, after all.

Memories:  Luis, the talking tour guide, who never stopped talking, for a full day; snorkling Cozumel; Trolls, the movie, on deck with towel blankets, & the party next door that also never stopped.  The fake bday with Juan the server.  Blessing, our cabin steward (who almost got our names right), and the nice family who brought a bday present to the fake bday.  The comedy guy was good too:  what is blue and smells like red paint?  His Walmart song was pretty cute too.

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